Review of Are We Having Fun Yet?

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Are We Having Fun Yet?
by Marcia and Lisa Douglass
Hyperion, 1998

Finally finished this book and have time for a short review... I can barely do this book, subtitled "The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Sex," justice in a few paragraphs - it covered sooo much ground about male and female sexuality, socialization and suggestions on how to make it better for everyone (but especially the female sex).

Here's an opening paragraph from the book's preface: "Are We Having Fun Yet? is a book about female sexual pleasure. It asks why sex is typically more fun for men than it is for women. Most sex books suggest ways women should change to have better sex. Our book turns this question around and asks how sex should change to be made better for women. Woman deserve to enjoy the erotic power of their bodies as much as men enjoy their own. Yet it is rare for a woman to assert her right to sexual pleasure, to stop and ask herself, 'Am I enjoying this?' and 'What do I want?'"

The book talks a lot about how the male agenda and clock are imposed upon women during our socialization as children and adults and how it deprives women from all the pleasure they are capable of. The authors explore the reasons that intercourse makes men come but generally not women. There are many many pages on all aspects of sexuality and anatomical descriptions and drawings of male and female genitals. Female genitalia are given a new name, CLIGEVA, which is a word the authors made up from the words clitoris, G spot and vagina to talk about female genitals as a whole. They also coin the term CLITTAGE to describe clitoral stimulation.

The book makes a wonderful case for manual and oral foreplay, and the importance of clitoral erection (with or without intercourse) for a woman to orgasm and fully experience intense pleasure. The myths of intercourse are thoroughly discussed ("all methods of lovemaking except intercourse are secondary," etc). I laughed at their discussion of "blue clit" and why it was as real as "blue balls," and how besides being frustrating and tension-producing for a woman not to reach orgasm, this can damage self-esteem, produce feelings of failure, and causes women to devalue sex. We tend to dismiss women who never or rarely orgasm as having psychological problems and not as a lack of skill or education on her and her partners part. Too many women feel like failures and put their needs second to their partners and there is way too much reticence on both sexes part in talking about sex, needs, desires. The Douglases say that men can have orgasms so easily (in comparison to women) only because they tend to practice a lot, because they tend to start early, and because they tend to see their penis in a much more positive and healthy way than women do about that mysterious area "down there."

Overall, the book is very explicit and interesting. I didn't find it overly "feminist" - I'm NOT using that term as a perjorative - and it contains no male bashing. Actually, I think men would find this book of interest too; anything that improves the sex and pleasure life of us females is probably going to please a lot of men too, or so I would hope...

So if you're inclined check this book out... I really enjoyed it and learned alot!

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