ASK THE THERAPIST
by William A. Henkin, Ph.D.
Copyright © 1991 by William A. Henkin
<Q> Is it normal to have SM fantasies about friends and people you work with?
<A> It is normal to have sexual fantasies of any sort about anyone, and if your sexuality includes SM then it is normal to have SM fantasies about anyone. Because you spend more time around your colleagues than you do around most people, and because you are likely to feel more intimate with your friends than you do with most people, it would be surprising if you did not have fantasies about them.
Bear in mind, however, that fantasy is not reality. The person you envision spread out on a St. Andrew's Cross, or standing over you with a flogger in each hand, may think of you as nothing more than an office fixture or a vanilla dinner companion. In other words, enjoy your fantasies but don't try to turn them into reality without adequate prior communication and negotiation.
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<Q> I have seen clit whips in movies and at the leather stores. The women in the movies seem to love them, but they look painful to me. What is exciting about them? Can they cause damage to the clit? Are there different types of clit whips?
<A> Genital whips are usually small, and are often but not always made of softer material than big whips such as floggers, including suede, doeskin, and cloth. They are intended for use not only on clits, but also on dicks, balls, anuses, breasts, and nipples. People who find them exciting either like the highly intense sensation of having their erogenous zones flicked or stroked with them, or like having the most vulnerable portions of their erotic anatomy exposed to such attentions, or like administering and controlling the effects of such sensations.
Since a genital whip's focus is intended to be small, the whip itself should be light, easy to hold, and easy to control. Its tails should fall together and not splay. It should not be made of any material that can cut, such as hard, flat rubber. And if a genital whip is going to be used on more than one person it should be easy to clean. Leather whips, for instance, can be cleaned by rubbing them with 3% hydrogen peroxide solution, or a 70% alcohol solution, then drying them thoroughly.
Genital whips can damage the clit, but so can fingers or lips. By the same token, big floggers, fingernails, and teeth can all be applied to delicate tissues in the most gentle ways. As usual, results depend less on the materials you use than on how you use them.
Always try a whip out on your forearm or some other accessible, hard-to-damage part of your own anatomy before you buy it, just to get a feel for how it handles and how it falls; if possible have someone use it on you before you use it on someone else so you know the range of sensation it provides.
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