The Sexuality Advisor, Issue #4

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Column #4 - June 12, 2000

Welcome to The Sexuality Advisor, a new feature at! Every other week, we'll answer a few questions about sex, love, and relationships submitted by our readers.

We're thrilled--questions continue to pour in! Regretfully, we cannot answer every letter individually. Whether or not your question is answered in this forum, you can be sure that your email address and question will be kept strictly confidential. We reserve the right to edit the letters we publish for readability and length.

Is Anal Sex Safe?

My husband and I enjoy anal intercourse very much. He always ejaculates his semen way up inside my rectum. We both find this very erotic and pleasurable. Usually an hour later the sperm is ready to come out along with some b m. Is ejaculating in the rectum damaging? Also I always cleanse my self with an enema and use plenty of ky jelly for lubricating. Thanks.
Sincerely A and A

You two are a couple of anal sex experts! It sounds like you're doing everything right: cleaning up beforehand with an enema, using a lot of lubricant, probably warming up the anus with a lot of less-intense finger play before moving to penetration with the penis. So far so good!

If you've taken anal sex slowly and gently, so that there's no pain or bleeding or other evidence of damage from rough play; and if you and your husband don't have any sexually transmissible diseases; then ejaculation in the rectum is perfectly safe. Even the most energetic ejaculations don't have enough force to cause harm.

It is worth repeating for the rest of our readers that anal sex is a pretty efficient means of passing along sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV, which causes AIDS. Because tissues in the rectum are so tender, it's easy for them to get a little damaged during anal sex--which makes it easy to trade STD-causing organisms. Generally, it's a good idea to take anal sex really slowly, slow down or stop entirely if there's any pain or bleeding, use great gobs of lube. Use condoms if you're having anal sex (or, heck, sex of any kind!) with a partner whose sexual health you're not absolutely certain about. Having unprotected anal sex with a stranger is a bad, bad, bad idea. Just don't.

Could I Have A Sexually Transmitted Disease?

I had sex about a month ago. I've recently gotten little bumps on my behind and that area of my body. Of all the STD's I know about, these symptoms don't seem right. At first I thought they were mosquitoe bites, but I've gotten more and more. I'm really scared and I don't know what's wrong with me. Please Help!!!

Go see a doctor! You're not going to be able to get a good answer to your question--let alone any treatment--by describing what's going on to someone, anyone, over the Internet. Only a trained medical professional who has actually seen what your bumps look like can tell you what's going on. Don't be shy. Remember, your doctor has surely seen a lot worse than whatever you've got!

If you don't have a personal physician or can't afford to see a doctor, you can get screened for STDs at a local Planned Parenthood clinic on a sliding-scale basis. Or contact your city's public health department; they may be able to direct you to a low-cost sexual health clinic.

Please, don't waste any time. If something curious is going on, get medical advice promptly. After all, your health is at stake!

What Counts as Masturbation, Anyway?

Hi there, I was just wondering why I can't seem to orgasm through masturbation? I am extremely comfortable with playing with my clit but I can't orgasm. Can you give me any tips? I am however able to orgasm by rolling up a pillow or stuffed animal and humping that--that way I orgasm within 2 I extremely screwed up?
Thanks a lot,

Not screwed up at all--but maybe a little tangled up in semantics. If you're able to get off by yourself through whatever means (and humping a pillow is a time-honored method indeed) then you're definitely successfully masturbating to orgasm.

There are lots of ways to stimulate a clitoris, and it's OK if only one type of action makes you come. Whatever works! Have you tried to replicate the motion and pressure that you experience when you're rubbing against a pillow or a stuffed animal? Is it a matter of indirect pressure to your clit--pressure applied to the clit through the lips of your vulva, rather than something rubbing right on the clitoris itself? It's pretty common for direct stimulation of the clitoris to be way too intense to be pleasurable.

Keep up the experimentation and see if something works for you. If for whatever reason your fingers just don't do the job, there's nothing at all wrong with getting off on whatever does reliably work. Good luck!

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